February, 2008 NEWSLETTER

When it comes to intimacy, you likely went through a learning phase. This is the period when you first learned about intimacy, sexuality, boundaries and your own body. You probably started out quite shy about yourself, your boyfriends or girlfriends, and your spouse or life partner.

While men tend to have more automatic responses to sexual situations, sexual physiology is often more complex for women, and may be more dependent upon both the relationship and the environment.

Some people need to feel an emotional connection before they want a sexual relationship. In addition, people often receive conflicting messages about their sexuality, and hence may end up with more ambiguity and less comfort in claiming their sexuality. They may also be less comfortable with certain areas of their bodies.

By taking responsibility for your own sexuality, a stronger and more significant sexual relationship is possible. If you’re passive and not in tune with your body and its potential, sex can be something that’s done to you, rather than something you can share with your partner. It’s important to understand and accept your own sexuality well enough to communicate your needs to another.

The growth of sexual experience usually progresses slowly from handholding to kissing, to fondling and eventually to intercourse. Once couples have started to have sexual intercourse on a regular basis, it’s common and easy for them to fall into this being their main or only sexual activity. While this is functional for many people and provides the connection they need, it’s possible to take this connection for granted.

The pressures of work and family often distract much of the sexual energy of a couple during the early and middle years of a couple’s life together. Continuing to invest in the full spectrum of touch and caring together can lay the groundwork for staying close to each other no matter what happens to your health and sexual function. Kissing, hugs, handholding and back rubs all can keep the connection multilayered and help you to communicate that you care about your partner as a person, as well as a sexual partner.

Illness or other life changes may limit the ability to have intercourse, either temporarily or permanently. This is often a Major Challenge for a couple. Many people end up feeling uncared for and isolated if they don’t successfully negotiate the transition from having intercourse to other types of touch and caring.

When you can’t rely on intercourse as your main way to relate intimately, you may be able to find other way’s to access intimacy with each other. This may involve re-experiencing many of the same phases of intimacy that you did early on when you were learning about sexuality, but have since skipped over to get to intercourse.

Everything from kissing, cuddling and massage, to the types of things you used to do as foreplay, can be satisfying within the content of a loving relationship. Many couples are surprised to learn that intercourse without ejaculation and ejaculation without erection are possible. For both men and women, it’s even possible to have orgasms without physical contact. Others have found these pathways through the study of ancient mind-and-body teachings called tantric traditions, which explore the richness and control of sexual responses.

Try to be more conscious and appreciative of your sexuality and the other physical parts of your intimacy as a couple. It’s normal to feel inadequate if something as important as sexual intercourse is no longer possible. How you respond to this and work through it can determine the quality of your life as individuals and as a couple.

Try to build each other up. Laugh together and work at being more in rhythm as a couple. Be a giving, considerate partner, with the intention of giving as well as receiving the intimacy and closeness you both need without guilt or embarrassment.

Without intercourse, it’s still possible to have a dynamic, growing and totally fulfilling relationship. To do this, you need to recognize that the part of the relationship that can help is the kindness, care and compassion that you show to each other.

One of the keys to maintaining a healthy physical relationship is to ask what your partner values. Touch is very personal, and each person’s needs may be different over time. Let your partner tell you what’s most fulfilling, and share with your partner what you find meaningful.

Emotional intimacy is the ability to share feelings and thoughts. It occurs when the communication and trust level is good enough to foster mutual sharing of each other’s innermost selves. It’s deep, mutual self-disclosure.

People want to feel respected, worthy, whole and accepted. They need their closest relationships to be safe and comfortable. They need places where they are accepted and not judged.

Connection and closeness nurture humans. This type of safety and care promotes healing on many levels. It’s more rewarding to develop intimacy while you have many years to live, rather than waiting until the end of your life. It takes time and effort to get in touch with and share your emotions. Sharing feelings, hopes, dreams, fears and needs is one way to become emotionally intimate. Everyone needs to feel valued and loved. People need to know that the significant people in their lives are emotionally available.

Opening up is easier in an atmosphere of trust. The necessary elements are kindness, care, compassion and acceptance of the other person – and of yourself. It’s important to include yourself, because it’s important to accept yourself in order to bring a whole, intact person to the relationship you want to have.

Intimacy comes from quality time together. You can’t just schedule a few minutes of quality time. Quality time represents the significant moments that happen while you’re with a spouse, lover, child or friend.

You may feel emotionally incapable of communicating your very deepest thoughts, beliefs, fears and hopes. You may feel unable to be emotionally intimate, even with the person with whom you’re sexually intimate. It’s possible that you don’t even have access to these feelings yourself. But there are ways to reach these feelings through discussion and thought. It may take a significant amount of quiet time to get to know your true self.

The culture in which people grow up defines how they deal with emotions. Plus, men and women are often conditioned to handle emotions differently. Once you recognize any differences in how you and your partner handle emotions, you can work to overcome differences.

People from certain backgrounds may suppress emotions rather than deal with them. Some people are more oriented toward problem solving, while others tend to be more the connectors. Some people need to be better listeners, while others need to get to the point faster.

It may be that you need to work on communicating better and not “giving orders.” Likewise, your partner may need to be more assertive and less deferential.

Whether you’re a man or woman, it’s important to offer and receive from your partner devotion, reassurance, respect, validation, understanding, caring, acceptance, approval, appreciation and admiration along with trust and encouragement.

Society can fail to train its members to meet the emotional needs of others. Some with unmet needs tend to become depressed and withdrawn. Others may become hostile and aggressive.

Messages from Western culture that may contribute to this include: “Don’t cry in public” “Tough it out” “Emotions are for wimps” “it’s a sign of weakness to show your feelings.”

Some may feel uncared for if their emotional needs aren’t being met while others may feel uncared for if their physical needs aren’t being met. Learning to show affection is the key. If you try to meet the needs of another, often your own needs will be met.

It’s sometimes the case that one partner offers more conversation, the other may become more physical in a relationship. On the other hand, if the less physical partner becomes more physical in a relationship, the other partner may tend to become more conservational.

Learn to understand your partner’s way of thinking and responding, and how your partner sees the world in emotional terms. Remember, your partner isn’t the same as you and may have needs that are radically different from yours.

Spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is a state that underlies other types of intimacy. Spiritual intimacy may be seen as the union of separates –heaven and earth, mind and body, self and other, human and the divine. But being spiritual is not the same as being religious. You can be spiritual without being religious.

When you’re in a relationship with your spiritual source, yourself, your environment and other people, you don’t feel lonely.

Lonely isn’t the same as being alone. You may feel that you’re alone and isolated from others. But individuals such as St. Francis, who died in 1226, taught that no one is ever truly alone.

St. Francis believed that all people are part of an inter-connected whole. People from many faiths have celebrated his teachings, because the principles that he taught can be seen as universal.

When you find your guiding force, you can deal with life and illness from a sense of wholeness and with less fear and suffering and with greater clarity and compassion because you no longer feel alone. When you are spiritually whole, you’re often more able to be emotionally and physically intimate. This, in turn, leads to broader and deeper definitions of complete health of body, mind, and spirit.

Spiritual intimacy goes beyond fear or need. As you learn to open your heart to other people, you may learn to feel love for yourself. This in turn may allow you to be more forgiving and understanding of others.

Feeling compassion for the world can be seen as a key to spiritual intimacy. Worldly things don’t bring lasting peace, but you may be able to find it inside yourself or in your relationship with your spiritual source.

To understand and feel the wholeness and peace that spiritual intimacy brings generally requires an ongoing spiritual practice over time. As you become more connected to the whole, you may realize that you have an interest not only in other people, but in all of the world.

As some of you know Jan and I have been looking for over one year to find Health Supplements that we can present to our customers with knowledge that they work. I have COPD which is Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. I have just recently starting my supplements, so there has not been enough time to really state that I am improving. Jan, as some of you know, has Fibromyalgia and has had it for several years. She has her good days and some days are pretty bad. She has been taking the supplements and is reporting that she is up only once in the middle of the night, as opposed to 5 to 7 times up. She is getting better sleep (deeper sleep) and is not half falling asleep during the day. We have suggested to several customers that they should try them out for fatigue, stress, asthma, and migraine headaches. All of these customers have stated that the supplements have made a difference in there daily living. We found the very best supplements that were out there to help rid your particular ailments.

Now we want you, our customers to try them, and PLEASE give us you feedback. Good or bad! Thanks in advance for working with us to help your lives improve, with less pain. The supplements and not meant to replace Bio-Magnetic Therapy, but to be used in addition to it. (Besides, the jewelry looks a lot better)

For our MALAYSIA friends, we have been talking with UPS and FedEx to seek the best way to ship to all you folks. 15 days (or more) to wait for your product is a little bit outrageous. That is what the US Post Office is now doing.

We have checked with both carriers and their quotes are: UPS 4 days to your door $83.00. FedEx 5 day to your door $78.33. Needless to say we will NOT ship through them at those prices.

Guess we are stuck with US postage and live with the 15 days to receive. SORRY FOLKS, we tried.

Sugar isn’t the only enemy of teeth. Acids found in many foods and beverages also can cause tooth enamel to erode, paving the way for decay. Although saliva helps restore tooth enamel after you consume something acidic, its capacity to do so has limits. You can minimize damage by:

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